i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
