I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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