Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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