he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
