i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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