I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
