you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
