We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
