and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
