The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
