You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
