I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
