I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
