Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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