We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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