everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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