the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
