Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
