if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
