One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
