i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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