Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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