she was so not down for the gang bang
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
