oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
