he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
