The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
