I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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