So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
