Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
