In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
