There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize