We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
