please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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