Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
