1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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