Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
