this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
