i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize