My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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