My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize