I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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