a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
