Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
