She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
