apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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