Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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