i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
love makes seman taste better
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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