I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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