Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
foreskin is a definite game changer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
