If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
