I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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