your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
