This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
