I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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