if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
