Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Someone shattered a urinal.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
