What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
