this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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