Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
