you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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