I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
