I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Randomize
