I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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