and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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