She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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