Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize