Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
