How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
