Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
