We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
