Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
