He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there's paper in my vomit.
so let's talk penis.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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