Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
