dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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