I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
