hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
love makes seman taste better
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
